Upsidasium Episode 27: The Cliff Hanger or Taken for Granite/Transcript
Narrator: 'Well, we know that Mount Flatten is full of upsidasium, and that's why it floats in midair. But why does it stay in one place? Our heroes rigged up a jet engine to fly the mountain to Washington, but after eight hours of flying, they found themselves in the same spot they started from. '''Rocky: '''We haven't gained an inch, Bullwinkle. '''Bullwinkle: '''Well, let's look on the bright side. '''Rocky: '''What's that? '''Bullwinkle: '''We haven't lost one, either, '''Narrator: '''Then our friends made one last attempt at moving the mountain. All night long they flew and, as day began to dawn, pulled into a cloud bank. '''Captain Peachfuzz: '''Top-secret stuff, you know. Nobody must find out about Mount Flatten. '''Narrator: '''But instead of resting after their flight, Rocky and Bullwinkle decided to stand guard, and so huddled together in the clammy fog, wide-eyed and alert while--uh... ''(Bullwinkle is fast asleep) '''Bullwinkle: ''(snoring)'' Narrator: 'I said "wide-eyed and alert." ''(Bullwinkle '' '''Bullwinkle: '''Huh? Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure. '''Rocky: '''Hey, Bullwinkle, do you feel anything strange? '''Bullwinkle: '''Can't say as I do. We're moving pretty smooth. '''Rocky: '''But we're not supposed to be moving at all. '''Bullwinkle: '''Hey, that's right! '''Narrator: '''Sure enough, the mountain was moving slowly out of the clouds, and starting back the same way it had come for the third time. '''Bullwinkle: '''This is no mountain. It's a big granite yo-yo. '''Rocky: '''Hokey smoke, Bullwinkle! Look there! '''Narrator: '''And as the fog cleared, our heroes saw the reason for Mount Flatten's antics. '''Bullwinkle: '''It's another engine pulling us back! '''Rocky: '''When we went to sleep, it took us back where we started! '''Bullwinkle: '''And who are those two people? ''(we see the disguised Boris and Natasha steering the mountain) 'Rocky: '''It's Mojave Max and Death Valley Dotty! ''(to "Max" and "Dotty") ''Hey! Hey, you two! '''Natasha: '''Boris, they're not asleep! We're caught! '''Boris: '''Hoo boy! As Julius Caesar said, ''"Omni galia in tres partes devisa est." 'Natasha: '''Translation? '''Boris: '''The jig is up! Run! ''(Boris runs for it) 'Rocky: '''After him, Bullwinkle! '''Narrator: '''The mighty moose pounded after the hapless Boris. But just as he was about to seize him, his false beard flew off and landed on Bullwinkle. '''Bullwinkle: '''Oop! ''(Bullwinkle falls down next to Rocky) 'Rocky: '''Bullwinkle, that's a false beard! '''Bullwinkle: '''So it is! '''Rocky: '''We'd better tell Captain Peachfuzz right away! ''(scene change to Rocky and Bullwinkle with Captain Peachfuzz) 'Narrator: '''In a few minutes they had related the whole story to the head of G-2. His reaction was immediate. '''Captain Peachfuzz: '''Away all boats! Stand by to jettison super cargo! Blast off and charge! '''Rocky: '''Captain? '''Captain Peachfuzz: '''Did I miss anything? '''Rocky: '''Captain, shouldn't we notify Washington? '''Captain Peachfuzz: '''I told you, Rocky. This mountain is top-secret. '''Bullwinkle: '''Not anymore, it's not. Lookie there. '''Narrator: '''Oddly enough, Bullwinkle was right, for far below, Mount Flatten was making a great impression on people of a small mountain town, who were seeing it for the first time. '''Clem: '''Say, Zeke, there's a whole great big mountain floating through there. '''Zeke: '''Yeah? '''Clem: '''With trees and everything. I never did see anything like it. '''Zeke: '''You know, Clem, it sounds all fine good. I plum wish I's facing that way. ''(cut to Lem and his wife on a farm) 'Lem's Wife: '''Lem, there's a whole south 40 floating overhead. '''Lem: '''Reckon it's the Heartfields. They've been thinking of moving. '''Narrator: '''And, of course, the event did not go unnoticed on the local radio station. ''(announcer at JRK Radio) '''Radio Announcer: ''(reading) "Sarah Gunny has broke her leg. There is a mountain floating over our town." ''(Radio announcer gets breaking news flash) 'Radio Announcer: '''And here's the important flash: ''(reading) ''"Egg prices up to 24 cents a dozen." ''(scene change to Mount Flatten knocking over the top of a skyscraper) 'Narrator: '''But eventually, word of the flight of Mount Flatten reached the outside world. ''(Cut to Newsboy standing on street) 'Newsboy: '''Extree! Extree! "Squirrel Flies Floating Mountain!" "Rocky Heads for Washington!" '''Narrator: '''And soon a squadron of planes flew alongside the mountain as an honor escort. '''Rocky: '''Hi, fellas! '''Bullwinkle: '''Drop in anytime! '''Narrator: '''But not everybody was delighted with this turn of events. ''(dissolve to Boris and Mr. Big in the cave) 'Mr. Big: '''Badenov, this mountain must not reach Washington. '''Boris: '''But we're nearly there, Mr. Big. What can we do? '''Mr. Big: '''Don't you remember the old motto of Terrorist Tech? '''Boris: '''Of course. "When in Doubt, Blow it Up!" '''Mr. Big: '''Right. Boris, you will blow up Mount Flatten. Now! '''Boris: '''Hoo boy! '''Narrator: '''Well, can this mean the end of our story and our heroes at the same time? Be sure to be here next time for ''"Supersonic Boom" ''or ''"The Old Mount's A-Moverin'!"